But first, a timely aside

"Hi kids, sit down, we need to talk. As I'm sure you've been hearing rumors for a while now, your daddy Sam and I have decided to get a divorce. I know this is really sad, but given the way things have been recently, we decided this is the best thing to do. We'll always have those fond memories back in 2002 and 2004, though, right?"

"Oh, also, I promise you'll have a brand new, hotter dad real soon, cause I'm gonna start dressing like a cougar!"

"Now come and give your momma Sony a kiss."

1973 - ASM #118 - Come on Down to Adolf's!

Merry Christmas everyone! Have we got a holiday entry for you!

Hindsight is 20/20, and oftentimes decisions and affiliations we choose at the time become unpopular or embarrassing when viewed from the lens of history.

That being said, this ad ran in 1973, 28 years after World War II ended...

That's right, at Adolf's in Minneapolis, you can get:

Reproduction German Helmet in the following colors:
Black, Chrome, Candy Apple (!), and Metal Flake!


INCLUDES LINER & SWASTIKA DECALS!

Apparently, Adolf's address, 2607 Hennepin(g) Ave. So. Minneapolis, Minnesota is now home to Inside Out Salon, a well-reviewed beauty shop. I wonder if they know who'd occupied it before.

Appeared in Amazing Spider-Man #118, March 1973.

1973 - ASM #116 - I Need 250 Skinny Guys!

Listen, I'm not trying to make a statement with all these bodybuilding ads I'm posting. As I've repeatedly said, as far as I'm concerned there's only one that I would call particularly classic, and it's Charles Atlas. But these gems keep popping up well into the end of the 1970's, so you may have to bear with me just a bit more.  I promise when we get to those ads for Colecovision games you can go hog wild.

Anyway, there's this:

"Hey! I Need 250 Skinny Guys!" Says Mr. Universe Frank Richard/Richards (You know, Mr. Fantastic's son). You better do what he says, or he will bust out of his flower adorned arch and take them himself...

Besides, how can you argue with results:
"I was very impressed with how my... thighs expanded."
"...thickening and getting harder after every session."

...

Just write the Body Building Center in Ontario, Canada. Unless of course you're in Englad, at which point Mr. Richards would like you to write him personally.

...

...

Oh my.

This Ad for Frank Richards' Tensile Contraction Bodybuilding program ran in Amazing Spider-Man #116, January 1973.

1972 - TIH #152 - Pranks, novelties, and... blowguns???

Novelties. Nothing else comes to mind quicker when one thinks of ads in comic books. I have a feeling the first thing I ever sent away for was a 5-dollar pack of miscellaneous pranks and novelties from an ad in Boy's Life magazine (okay, not a comic book, but close enough). There was a whoopee cushion, and several flavors of putrid candy (the super-hot candy just turned out to be cinnamon-flavored).

This small ad, specifically to send away for a catalog, is conservative by most prank and novelty comic book ad standards, and the company itself is no-name (though I'm sure no less legitimate than its gaudier competitors). In fact, it has most of what you'd expect in a novelty catalog:

• Tricks (Yup)
  
• Emblems (patches, I suppose)
• Jokes (Redundant, but yup)
• Decals (uh, rendunant department of redundancy alert)
• Racing (I dunno what this means exactly, probably more emblems and decals)
• Monsters (probably more haunting records)
• Pranks (Come on, now, you coulda saved money with a smaller ad instead of repeating)
• Magic (Back to normal)
• Ecology (uh... maybe more live animals?)
• Camping (good for game wardens)
• Zodiac (people were really into signs in the 1970's)
• Hot Rods (Now they're repeating racing...)
• Bullwhips...

Wait, bullwhips? Okay, from that point on it goes from mundane to just WEIRD.

• Blow guns (Jesus Christ, that ain't no prankin')
• Witchcraft (Clearly these people just assume that kids who are into pranks are actually sociopaths)
• Hunting Knives (okay, maybe psychopaths. Like those game wardens)
• Psychedelic (well, this is gonna end badly...)
• Hippy items (yup, very badly)
• Science fiction (AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!)

Well, yup, I'm freaked out. But still an interested buyer.

This Flint/Target ad for their novelty catalog was printed in The Incredible Hulk #152, June 1972.

1971 - ASM #98 - Puff the Magic Dragon

Look, I really want to just say "what the fuck...?" and leave this post be, but I actually tried to research this (for like five minutes, you know) and figure out what this could've possibly been. No such luck.

I assumed it was just some squirmy rubber toy inside a plastic egg, but the ad says:

• "A lovable (sic) live pet in a colorful plastic egg!"
• "Will eat RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HAND!"
• "FREE food supply."

What the hell IS this "Live mystery egg"?? A salamander? A tiny shark? A leech? An immigrant? Whatever the hell "Puff the Magic Dragon" this ad is actually selling is, I would be freaking SCARED AS HELL to find that colorful plastic egg inside a cardboard box, and opening it.

Unboxing a product like this is the kind of stuff that YouTube was made for, if only it existed in 1971.

From Amazing Spider-Man #98, July 1971.

1970 - ASM #82 - Nobody Loves the Hulk

Oh my god. Why had I never heard of this before??

Listen to The Traits - Nobody Loves the Hulk here.

I'm utterly speechless in my lack of knowledge of this incredible gem until just now, when I found this ad for this song.

For not only an MP3 of the song, but a COVER by Swedish metal band Maggot, click here.

That's all for me today, the song speaks for itself better than I can.

Ad is from Amazing Spider-Man #82, March 1970.

1969 - ASM #73 - Grown Up Pants. You Heard Me.

I don't want to get into a whole thing with you here, but just read the entire damn ad and then come sit next to me and stare.

From Amazing Spider Man #73, June 1969.